My Mom left the family when I was four. She divorced my dad, moved in with another man, and hardly talked to us for about 10 years. There were times she would talk to us once a month... and then once a month quickly turned to once a year... eventually there was a period of three years where we never really talked to her at all. We had no idea where she was or how she was doing. We barely knew she was alive somewhere. Well, she got back in contact with us and is was as if she never neglected us, that is, aside from the fact that she left my dad and she lived all the way across the country.

It's hard to hold a grudge against your own mother... even if she was never there for you...

During that period of three years, where my my mom didn't talk to us, my dad remarried. The woman he remarried became my worst nightmare, in flesh. She was nasty to my dad, and I'm pretty sure she hated my brothers, my sister, and me too. In fact, it was a rare occasion to see her in a friendly mood... and when she was, most of the time, it was because she was with her friends. One person she did get along with, was her own daughter. My step-mom would constantly show her favoritism.. I loved it how she would punch me and throw her toys at me... and somehow I'd get in trouble without laying a finger on her. But my step-sister wasn't terrible... that's normal kid stuff... My step mom, on the other hand, beat us, not often, but she hardly stopped yelling at us. We got used to it though. We even got used to her stuffing garbage between the cushions and blaming us. It just became a part of life.

She had issues with becoming an adult, as well. She would party, sleep with other men, and smoke pot with her pregnant friend. She was walking in the door drunk every morning at 5:00am... a half an hour before my dad would wake up to get ready for work.

When I was a sophomore in high school, my dad finally kicked her out of the house... It ended up being the best thing for the family, even though it was hard to keep up with the chores for a while.

My dad had a few faults too, but everyone does... At the time, he was an alcoholic... not a terrible one. He didn't get drunk every day like many alcoholics do, but he built up a dependence on beer... and he had multiple, daily. Eventually, he would struggle with depression, however, he never let that get in the way of raising his kids. He only wanted the best for us... and sometimes, he didn't know how to provide it, but he certainly prayed for it.

Nothing ever came easy for my dad. Nothing I have been a witness to, anyway. He was a twice-divorced factory worker who had to support three teenage kids. He was always busy... I never remember him having any down time. He was always working, cooking, or running errands... but it was always to support his family... His family always came first.

Soon enough, I went off to college (a surprise to both me and my dad). I started getting used to my own life, and started getting into my own things. I would come back in the summers and stay in his house and be with the family.

One Summer, when I was home he came up to me and asked me the one question that completely changed my life forever.
"What do you think about being a big brother again?"
I was speechless... I didn't even know my dad was seeing anyone... sort of... and he brought this question to me...

It turned out that he was seeing a woman who was "stuck in a bad marriage". The two had been struggling with being together, always breaking up and coming back together simply because she was still married. Well, on one of there "good weeks", he got her pregnant.

I was about to become a big brother... again... at the age of 21...

I wasn't happy, but I figured, it doesn't matter what I think of the matter... what was done was done and no one can change it. Now I had to get used to a new family. What was once my Dad, older brother (sometimes), me, younger brother, and younger sister was about to become that, plus three younger step brothers and a new baby...

He moved out of town, into her house. He knew he had to be there for his baby... I couldn't blame him, although I wish he would have gotten married to her first.

Well, months later, the baby was born. It was a girl, and they named her Nicole Kathryn Ann Mallory. Now my dad and his girlfriend are married and my baby sister is no longer a baby, but a month away from being a two year old girl... and my dad is the happiest I have EVER seen him.

In September, I proposed to my long time girl friend... We will be married in March, so, as I am joining her family, we will be starting a family of our own... One could only pray that this does not become as complicated as my family has made it in the past. Of course, I'm highly, beyond a shadow of a doubt, optimistic...

My wedding is in 50 days... I've been so busy, I haven't been able to post recently... I also haven't been able to read others posts... In fact, I've hardly been on Xanga for like 2.5 weeks!

Hopefully I'll get out of my blogging funk...

But here is something you can do to help me:

My fiance and I sat down to talk about what we expect from each other... The only things I was able to come up with are, I want to sit and take care of our bills together (I really suck at math...) and I want to go to bed together every night. I don't want to stay up if she is in bed and if I'm going to bed, I'd like her to come with me.

You see, I've lived with my dad for so many years... and unfortunately, he got divorced twice... and I don't really know what to expect from a marriage. Not from a marriage that works anyway...

So if you could help me out with what to expect in my marriage, it would help me a ton! The more feedback I get, the better... Even if you aren't married (or aren't getting married anytime soon) your opinions still matter to me!

Thank you!
-Jimmy

 

...That is all.

So, I woke up this morning at 6:00am vomiting... Turns out I have the flu. I've been laying down all day. I was supposed to have a New Year's eve party tonight, with the annual 1:00am trip to Waffle House... I guess that won't be happening :(

In Short, I hope you all have a happy and healthy New Year!

I think my New Year's Resolution will be to post more on Xanga.
What is your New Year's Resolution?

I caught something on the History channel the other night... it was called "102 Minutes That Changed America". It was about what happened on September 11th, 2001.

As I was watching it, I was moved to tears. There was an evolution of emotions. Seeing people's reactions to the fire coming from the first tower raised a ton of questions... "What happened here?", "Is this some sort of accident?"

There were people jumping out of the building left and right, unable to handle a number of different things... Too much smoke... too much heat... not being able to handle that their fate was no longer in their hands... This was the saddest thing I've ever seen...

Then the second plane hit the other tower... Right then, people began to realize that this was no accident... This was somehow planned... This was terrorism... People were angry. The responses I heard the most were either, "Oh my God." or something along the lines of, "We need to return fire."

As I was watching, I saw thousands of New York City citizens running frantically. They were running towards ground zero and away from ground zero- it was chaos, but it seemed that the police handled things very well. People who were recording the event from their homes weren't sure if they should stay where they were or if they should vacate their building. I saw the mass hysteria and the bitterness and the depression of the people. Many citizens were interviewed and a lot of them reported having friends in the World Trade Center- hoping and praying they were ok.

A little while later in the video, I heard the worried voice of a fire fighter on another fire fighter's radio. He was checking all the corners of a room for people who needed help out of the WTC. His voice sounded horrified... as if he knew what was about to happen- and not even a minute later, his tower came falling down.

This was a moment that changed our history- and you can see the change being effected immediately on the video.

Then the second tower fell, and their was silence.

 

 

 

As smoke, debris, and ashes filled the streets, one of the people documenting what was happening began filming a pigeon which had just landed on the sidewalk. I assume the pigeon was wondering what made today so different than any other day.  Why was everything so quiet? Why are so many people running? Where is all this mess coming from? After all, the pigeon doesn't need to worry about other pigeons blowing up it's nest. It typically doesn't need to worry about smoke and fire consuming the trees. It doesn't need to worry about retaliation. It just does what it does... it searches the streets of New York City for food. And it carries the food back to it's nest, it sleeps, and that is its day.

And we often say that what happened on September 11th 2001 was inhumane... I don't know if that's the right word... I mean, I don't see pigeons bombing pigeons. Or lemurs bombing coyotes or whatever... It wasn't right, it wasn't just, and it wasn't Godly... that much we can be sure about... but from the beginning of time, human kind has done very "inhumane" things... and only the culture in which we live, can determine whether or not our inhumane acts are justifiable.

We are so stupid sometimes...

We are so small... and we don't even realize it... We are so small. Think about how big our world is. Then compare it Jupiter. Then compare it to the sun. Then compare it to our entire universe. We are not big at all. We are dust in the wind- and sometimes, we must be humbled. We are smart... but yet, how much we know certainly has nothing to say about how wise we actually are...  most of the time, we're not wise at all.

I mean... what gives anyone the right to say who is deserving of life and who isn't? What right do we have to play God? What right do we have to say what justice is? What gives us the right to attack those who don't agree with our way of life? And what gives us the right to retaliate? This is the nature of all that is inhumane... It is humane to love our enemies. It is humane to pray for those who persecute us. It is humane to leave justice in the hands of our Creator- but not to play God. Not to attack in hopes to harm, kill, or destroy. Not to retaliate.